Your roommate already has weekend plans. Someone you met during orientation seems to have found a close group of friends. Your friends from home keep posting pictures from their campuses and when family members call, they want to hear whether you are having fun.
There may be plenty of good things to tell them. You like a class more than you expected or you had a genuinely fun night with people from your dorm. Yet there are evenings when everyone seems to have somewhere to go and you are sitting in your room wondering when college is going to start feeling the way you thought it would.
On a college campus, other people’s social lives are unusually visible. You hear plans being made down the hall and see groups heading into class together. Social media adds another layer of visibility. After a while, it can seem like everyone else has figured out college faster than you have.
The College Experience You Expected
Most students arrive with an idea of what college will (or should) be like, even if they haven’t explored the origins of those beliefs. Those expectations are often shaped by the people around them, such as parents, siblings, friends, as well as by movies, on television, and social media.
While parts of the college experience may feel expected, other aspects may leave you feeling stressed or isolated.
Living with a roommate can be an adjustment when you are used to having your own space. Having fewer hours of actual class time can leave you responsible for deciding how to structure your days. Socially, it can feel like you are starting over. Even when you are surrounded by other students, you may find yourself feeling lonely. It’s hard not to feel like you are the only student struggling to adjust.
However, you are not alone. Among students who considered leaving college, 49% cited emotional stress and 41% cited personal mental health, both more commonly than financial strain. A full social calendar and a large group of friends are not true indicators of how someone is actually doing.
When Comparison Starts Feeling Personal
When we start comparing ourselves to others, it’s easy to fall into drawing negative conclusions about ourselves.
“I haven’t found close friends yet” can become “I’m bad at making friends.” A difficult exam can feel like evidence that you are not as capable as you thought. A Friday night without plans can start to turn into feelings that you do not belong.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for college students is one way to help identify these unhelpful patterns and examine how thoughts influence emotions and behavior. For example, believing that no one wants to spend time with you may make reaching out feel more vulnerable, which can lead to withdrawing and feeling even more isolated.
With a college environment, comes new perspectives. Maybe you were always one of the strongest students in your high school, and suddenly you are surrounded by people who were too. Perhaps you used to be the outgoing friend who always had plans, and now you are starting over in a place where no one has gotten to meet that side of you.
It can take time to figure out where you fit when so much of what was familiar has changed.
Figuring Out What Is Actually Making College Hard
When several things feel difficult at once, it is easy for the conclusion to become, “I hate college,” or “I chose the wrong school.”
Sometimes getting more specific changes the picture. A few things to consider:
- If Sunday afternoons consistently bring a sense of dread, what are you anticipating on Monday?
- If weekends are harder than weekdays, is it the lack of plans?
- Are you comfortable with the friends you have made but comparing your quieter social life with what you thought college would look like?
- Is a difficult roommate situation making the dorm itself feel uncomfortable?
Academic stress can spill into your social life. Loneliness can bring a negative lens to your entire experience. And sometimes the school really is not a good fit.
Understanding which parts of the experience are weighing on you can make it easier to make changes that can better your experience.
When the Adjustment Is Affecting Daily Life
There is no particular point in the semester when college is supposed to start feeling easy. But if anxiety, loneliness, or a change in mood is affecting sleep, concentration, coursework, relationships, or your ability to take care of yourself, it may be worth talking with someone.
You also do not need to have a clear explanation for why you are struggling before starting therapy. You may know that you feel overwhelmed or unlike yourself without knowing exactly what is driving it.
Therapy for college students creates space to understand what you are feeling and why. Pressure around grades, for example, may connect to a longer history of achievement tied to self-worth. Difficulty finding a sense of belonging may bring up earlier experiences in friendships, family relationships, or other places where feeling accepted has been complicated.
Those connections will look different for every person.
Therapy for College Students in Brookline and the Boston Area
At Integrative Psychological Services, our therapeutic approach is built around each individual person. We draw from evidence-based tools while also exploring the deeper emotional, relational, and developmental roots of what brings someone to therapy.
For a college student struggling with comparison, that could include recognizing the thoughts that come up before walking into the dining hall alone or deciding whether to text someone to make plans. It might also mean becoming curious about why approval, achievement, or belonging carries so much weight.
As we get to know you, therapy may draw from approaches such as CBT, DBT, ACT, or relational and insight-oriented work – all depending on what you are experiencing and what feels useful. Therapy develops around you, rather than asking you to fit into a particular approach.
If college has been harder or lonelier than expected, contact Integrative Psychological Services to schedule a complimentary consultation and discuss whether therapy may be a good fit.
Integrative Psychological Services offers in-person therapy for college students in Brookline, Massachusetts, with virtual therapy for college students available for clients located throughout Massachusetts.