Going back to college at 28, 35, or 50+ can feel very different from enrolling from high school. The same may be true for someone beginning graduate school years after completing their undergraduate degree. The decision may be happening alongside career or family responsibilities. There is also a much clearer awareness of how much time, money, and effort finishing a degree could require.
As back to school season approaches, more adults are heading back to the classroom. With returning adult college enrollment recently reaching a record high of more than 1 million returning students, we wanted to understand the process behind this big life decision.
We reviewed the 50 most recent posts and their comments in Reddit’s r/BackToCollege community. Roughly 20 of those posts centered on age, often asking some version of the same question: Am I too old to go back to school?
Reading through those conversations, age was rarely the only concern. People wondered whether they could handle coursework after years away from school. Previous attempts at college also came up, including experiences with dropping out or academic probation. For some, returning meant finding ways to fit the demands of college into their already busy schedules.
However, the question of age stood out to us.
What Does “Too Old” Mean to You?
Imagining returning to college as an adult might conjure up images of walking into a room full of teenagers. It’s natural to think about one’s own age in relationship to graduating, “Where will I be in four or more years?” These thoughts can elicit a sense of shame that you didn’t begin the process earlier.
That feeling may become stronger when friends are already established in their careers.
Where our expectations originate matters. Family expectations can have a strong influence, as can the paths taken by friends and peers. Sometimes we become so accustomed to a certain timeline for adulthood that falling outside of it can feel like falling behind.
However, being an older college student is far from unusual. In fall 2021, 24.9% of U.S. undergraduates were age 25 or older. That’s nearly 3.85 million students.
Taking the time to examine where your expectations came from may reveal more about why the importance you place on age.
Feeling Behind Can Make the Decision More Complicated
Regardless of the life experience brought back to college, sitting in an introductory course with much younger students may still feel awkward.
Graduation dates can stir up greater feelings of anxiety. Finishing at 36 may feel late in comparison to a close friend who finished at 22 and has spent the years since building a career. That difference can feel disappointing, highlighting choices made years ago or circumstances that prevented earlier success.
There is often grief related to this experience. Perhaps more support would have helped during the first attempt at school. A different choice at 19 might seem obvious with the perspective available now. Returning to college can bring you face to face with a part of their life they thought they had already moved beyond.
The Same May Be True for Graduate School
Starting graduate school years after earning a bachelor’s degree can bring up its own mix of emotions. After years of building confidence and expertise in your career, it can feel vulnerable to be a student again. Asking questions, receiving feedback, or learning alongside people who are younger than you may bring up defensiveness or self-doubt.
For some, graduate school marks the beginning of an entirely new career path. Leaving behind a field where you have experience to pursue something new can bring both stress and fear about what comes next. There may be moments when you question whether changing direction was the right choice.
Excitement about a new direction and fear about leaving an established one can coexist.
What If I Go Back To College and Find Out I Can’t Do It?
While age was the most common theme in the Reddit posts we reviewed, concerns about academic ability appeared repeatedly as well. Roughly nine of the 50 posts revealed academic self-doubt after time away from school. One person worried about returning to college math after 21 years. Another was preparing for a challenging science course following a five-year medical leave.
Returning to school means becoming a student again, and that role may feel unfamiliar after years spent elsewhere.
Someone who has not taken a math class in two decades has a practical reason to question their current math skills. Struggling with the material can leave them feeling discouraged and less confident in themselves academically.
When school was difficult the first time around, a disappointing grade during the first semester back may feel connected to older negative beliefs about school performance. Even asking a professor for help may feel uncomfortable if doing so feels like admitting failure.
Time away from school naturally leaves some skills rusty. Anxiety can make that rustiness feel amplified.
When Your Last Experience With College Still Follows You
About ten posts in the back to college Reddit community involved previous academic struggles, including dropping out and academic probation. One person described trying to make a fresh start after a “tarnished transcript.”
Someone who left college at 20 years old spent years thinking of themselves as a person who could never finish. Returning at 30 brought that insecurity back quickly.
In examining past experiences, the reality of circumstances may become clear. Often, your story is more complicated than “I dropped out.” What was life like at the time? What kind of support was available? How did you respond when school became difficult?
These answers may change the way you understand that period of your life. Someone returning years later has also had time to learn more about how they work and what happens when they are overwhelmed. Facing the hard stuff may look substantially different now.
An old transcript can tell you what happened academically during a particular period. However it cannot capture the complexity of the surrounding experiences during that time.
Going Back to College Has to Fit Into the Life You Have Now
Some hesitation about returning to college is reasonable.
The Reddit conversations included people trying to attend school while raising children or working full time. One poster described balancing community college with an overnight warehouse job.
Those responsibilities continue once the semester starts. A parent still needs childcare during finals week. Someone working full time has to find space for coursework within an existing schedule.
Taking those realities seriously is part of deciding whether returning makes sense right now. Part-time enrollment may fit someone’s life better. A program that initially looked appealing may become less realistic once work schedules are considered.
Concerns about capacity deserve to be examined as practical concerns. They can exist alongside anxiety about age or doubts about whether returning will work out.
When Therapy May Be Helpful
Many adults will decide whether to return to college without ever discussing it in therapy. For others, finding space to process this difficult decision or transition lightens the emotional load.
Someone who struggled during an earlier attempt at college may come to therapy to talk about whether they should enroll again, only to realize that the depth of self-doubt that they’ve been carrying.. Therapy gives us room to understand our history alongside the decision we are facing now. The conversation may lead to discussion around expectations surrounding achievement or why feeling “behind” has become difficult to navigate.
At Integrative Psychological Services, we draw from evidence-based tools while also exploring the deeper emotional, relational, and developmental roots of what brings someone to therapy. We develop our therapeutic approach around the person, with attention to what is happening now and an understanding of the experiences that continue to matter.
Therapy for Adults and College Students in Brookline, MA
Integrative Psychological Services works with adults and college students navigating anxiety, life transitions, performance-related stress, imposter syndrome, and other concerns that may surface during periods of change.
Returning to college can bring up questions that extend well beyond enrollment or coursework. At IPS, there is room to explore what this transition means in the context of your history and your current sense of self.
We offer in-person therapy in Brookline and virtual therapy for clients located throughout Massachusetts.
If returning to school is bringing up anxiety or concerns that have been difficult to sort through on your own, contact Integrative Psychological Services to schedule a complimentary consultation and discuss whether therapy may be a good fit.